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To live fully, you need to be able to look death in the eye

Our economy books put emphasis on two subjects: Growth and the necessity of survival of what is. This works different in nature. There, systems find their end when it’s their time. Everything that was put into it, becomes available for the next system. This forbidden conversation is about how to end systems and make space for the next one.

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From the chat

Here are the chat messages about: ‘How do you say goodbye in a good way?’

21:47:10 From Marja van Solkema : A good ending needs a process too
21:47:36 From Frida de Koning en : A good ending can be dirty, stop working hard and vulnerability, being powerless and having part in my own healing.
21:47:41 From saskia vandeputte : Let love prevail
21:47:44 From Anouscha Visser : Ending of a workplace after 28 years, started out as a teenager and ‘leaving home’ as an adult woman.
21:47:53 From Jan Eng : Having attention and time for it. To me: What does it mean to me, what has past and what will pass. Time to mourn.
21:48:02 From Joke Vander Laenen EN : I bring something someone else said: What else is needed to be free?
21:48:05 From Inge Huys : A beautiful ending clears the ‘ground’.
21:48:06 From Patricia Koster -EN : From our conversation: Humour and not wanting to mold it into form
21:48:07 From Jetske Boom : An ending is good for me when I am ok on the inside, like rounding up on the inside. Afterwards, bringing words outside help me find a good ending.
21:48:10 From nicole : Humour about the tendency to Humor mold ending into form
21:48:37 From Leena van Korlaar : Staying loyal to myself to stay in love.
21:48:38 From Kaysri : Allowing the rawness and the primal grief and dare to feel and staying with it
21:48:41 From Judith Booijink : A good ending is giving yourself permission, your own path. Also when it ‘scrapes’.
21:48:49 From saskia vandeputte : Good stop
21:48:50 From Denise Huibers : Dare to be present without judgement. To experience and to feel. It’s possible, especially in silence. Without saying anything.
21:48:52 From Ernelies Plant : face it. Taking on everything that’s done.
21:48:58 From Sonja Knottnerus : The shortest version of a happy ending: “Do you wish to continue?” followed by speaking a heartfelt ‘no’
21:48:59 From Judith Smit : When all questions may be there, in all openness.
21:49:04 From Babette Blom : Celebrate that what you leave behind, the person you leave, that what the person represents, the work, something different, has brought to you. Feeling gratitute for what it brought you. Beautiful and less beautiful things. Everything intertwined in your life.
21:49:20 From Antoinette Middeldorp : the bearable ligthness of dying
21:49:22 From Denise Huibers : And the humour was mentioned. That is a beautiful way to break something open.
21:49:37 From maritha van osch : Listening to your inner voice and having the courage to act accordingly
21:49:40 From Hetty van Hoof : Ending is breathing together towards the last breath of the person you hold can let go in love.
21:50:17 From Jetske Boom : Consciously saying goodby, sticking with it
21:50:18 From Katelijne : Literally and bodily transfer someone to a next stage of life
21:50:37 From Josepina : Saying goodbye to loyalty to be able to say yes or no loyally
21:50:45 From Naomi Franken : Feeling the rawness and sadness and then experience the hope that every ending holds a new beginning.
21:51:24 From Jeanine Pothuizen : Ending doesn’t always have to be beautiful. The pain helps to see how important it was
21:51:36 From Hans van der Veen : Ending the life of my mother, we could share our stories during the memorial service.
21:52:10 From Carola van dorp : Physically said goodbye in a beautiful way to work I have been committed to for 13 years. But afterwards, I have been working for months to really let go, so saying goodbye on the inside took much longer
21:54:47 From Trix Berkhof : To me, the ligthness is in the moment prior to the ending. Counting your blessings, receiving all beauty, making space for gratitude.. then end.

Dive deep

You received an e-mail with an explanation about how to dive deeper in smaller groups. You make an appointment with eachother for an online follow-up conversation that lasts one hour. Je maakt met elkaar een afspraak voor een online vervolggesprek van een uur. The idea is to meet on thursday night, but you can pick a different moment if that works better for you and your group.

Make an inquiry, first personally then collectively

What has already ended in my life?

If you don’t know what an inquiry is, watch the video below for instructions.Β 

Psalm 391
In the conversation, Hilbrand spoke about a psalm that moved him. He shared the lyrics in the chat:

1. The moon has been arising,
the stars in golden guising
adorn the heavens bright.
The woods stand still in shadows,
and from the meads and meadows
lift whitish mists into the night.
2. The world in stillness clouded
and soft in twilight shrouded,
so peaceful and so fair.
Just like a chamber waiting,
where you can rest abating
the daytime’s misery and despair.
3. Behold the moon – and wonder
why half of her stands yonder,
yet she is round and fair.
We are the ones who’re fooling
’cause we are ridiculing
as our minds are unaware.
4. We vain and wretched sinners
presume to be the winners,
but we know nothing yet.
So many neat solutions
are nought but great delusions
that farther off the path us get.
5. God, grant us Thy salvation!
No worldly aspiration,
no vanity allow!
Like children simple-hearted,
and joyful like we started,
let us become and teach us how!
6. And lastly, grant us leaving
the world without much grieving,
let peaceful be our death.
When from the earth You take us,
let heaven’s joy await us
stand by us, Lord, at our last breath.
7. So, brothers, in His keeping
prepare yourself for sleeping;
cold is the evening breeze.
Spare us, Oh Lord, Your ire,
let rest us by the fire,
and grant our ailing neighbour peace.

songbook for church 1973

Thank you

Thank you, Hilbrand, for your contribution. More about Hilbrand and his work:

Hilbrand Westra